Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
