so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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