Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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