Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
