she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
