walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am one with the molecules
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
