Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think I just sharted jello shots
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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