If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
