If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
