I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
even my farts smell like vagina
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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