You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
