Need sex. Gaining weight.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
