Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
