If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
