some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
