My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
