You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
