They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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