I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
