the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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