I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
