I think i peed on brittanys purse
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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