yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
