Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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