Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
