He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
