Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
