Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
