im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
