highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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