I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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