It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
