I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
