a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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