I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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