What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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