I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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