so that wasnt chicken after all
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
