I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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