When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
