so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
