he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
