you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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