After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
