Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
