All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
