i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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