I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
