So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Randomize
