i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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