The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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