You work out of a Hotel?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
